How "Never Have I Ever" reframes arranged marriages
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" – Laozi
Today I’d like to talk about a show that has taken the Indian-American community by storm – Mindy Kaling’s “Never Have I Ever” on Netflix. The show follows Devi, a hot-tempered Indian-American teenager, as she navigates the twin tragedies of high school and the loss of her father.
Casting an Indian-American teenager as the protagonist of an American TV show is no doubt a significant reframing that deserves an essay all to itself. However, the minor reframings in this show deserve as much praise for allowing supporting characters to evolve from basic caricatures into complete personalities.
My favorite of these reframings occurs in episode 9 when a suitor comes to visit Devi’s cousin Kamala for an arranged marriage. I felt my stomach clench as the doorbell rang, preparing for the cringe that I thought would ensue. Other characters in similar scenes have been awkward (and somehow also less attractive), like Zubaida in the clip below from “The Big Sick,” written to provide a cheap punchline and a mental anchor for the audience.
Instead, Devi’s family opens the door to reveal Prashant, a handsome MIT-educated engineer. The family’s jaws collectively dropped (as did mine) to see an arranged marriage suitor who, as Devi put it, was “not an uggo.” Throughout the episode, we also learn that he’s a nice guy; he brings Kamala a thoughtful gift and takes a genuine interest in Devi playing the harp.
For the first time in my life, I felt seen by the American media. Someone in my situation wasn’t just a cheap throwaway gag but an exciting life partner. It would have been straightforward for the writers to take the easy way out, write a caricature, but I’m glad they chose not to.
Sometimes, small reframings are the most meaningful ones. Do something different today – order from a new restaurant, call a friend, try a new podcast. I promise you won’t regret it.
This newsletter is me trying something new; if you have any feedback, please get in touch via email. Stay safe, and I’ll be back next week with a new installment.